Midnight Musings

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Image: Picture of a Full Moon among the night sky (taken from pixabay)

It’s midnight and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.

This has been a constant line of thinking throughout the past few weeks. It’ll get late and suddenly I’m hit with the thoughts: What am I doing with my life? Where am I going? Can I accomplish anything? Are my goals even tangible?

Inhaleexhale: Things take time.

Let me back up. If I could do anything with my life, at this moment, it’d be this: I want to be a polytheist minister and help others through that role.

But that’s hard when there isn’t a cohesive polytheist community. I tried different organizations: ADF didn’t work out, nor did Unitarian Universalist. I didn’t bother try Wiccan covens, because I know I’m not Wicca.

And to top it all off, I do most of my dealings with an online community. Is it possible to be an online polytheist minister? Maybe. I don’t know of any, though. And local, physical community is so important. Online is great for discussions and ideas, but what about the needed tangible support that a local community is needed for? What can an online community do when someone needs help when they’re sick and struggling, moving across town, or a hand to hold at a funeral parlor? I don’t know how to reconcile that need for physical, tangible help when being hundreds or thousands of miles away.

But let’s bring this back to the reality of the situation: I’m not a minister. I lack the training. I lack the expertise. I am growing with this goal in mind, but I’m still growing. And I need to remind myself that I am young. As much as I don’t feel like a youngster… I’m turning 25 this year. Comparing myself to people in their 30s and 40s and 50s isn’t helping anyone. I cannot ignore that the people I see leading communities didn’t do it over night.

But each night, I am wondering why the next morning I won’t be where I want to be.

I think not knowing my next step is the main problem. Though, I suppose, figuring out my next step is the next step…

 

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5 thoughts on “Midnight Musings

  1. I dont know if this helps you at all but from one 25 year old to another, i would be very very thrilled to have an online polytheist minister i felt safe talking to and could be free with about my faith. I dont connect with many pagans in my area…

  2. Online ministry is possible! The head of Kemetic Orthodoxy does a lot via online chats and the KO boards. They do IRL stuff at the temple too but as Tamara lives across the country from the main house now, most of her stuff is online.

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