This is weird. I’ve been cis gender most my life, but recently I’ve been questioning that. When a dear friend of mine brought up the term “Demigirl”, everything clicked in place.
But I guess that means I’m non binary anymore?
With all that said, I decided to participate in the Nonbinary Mysteries Prompts as a demigender individual. I…hadn’t really interacted with the nonbinary community since discovering I am demigirl (demifemme? Demifemale?) so. Just. Be gentle if I mess up…
How did you first realize you were nonbinary?
I kinda alluded to it already, but the questioning has been going on for about six months now? Maybe longer? I haven’t felt like a complete woman for some time, but I didn’t really feel like a man either. Nor did I feel like I didn’t have a gender. I just felt…I don’t know. I was musing about this confusion on the Celtic Intensifies Chat when a dear friend pointed out the term DemiGirl. The immediate connection and clarity that came with the term was so relieving.
How did you come to be a practicing pagan, polytheist, or witch?
I’m a polytheist! I started out like a lot of people: a really bad misinformed book about “Wicca and Witchcraft” brought me to the the online communities of paganism when I was around the age of 18. From there, I realized I wasn’t Wiccan, then realized I wasn’t a witch, then realized I wasn’t a pagan. I identify as polytheist (Gaelic Polytheist to be specific) because it’s a term that has some substance and a very clear definition. It also encompasses my beliefs perfectly: I believe in the existence of multiple deities. I also get to avoid some of the baggage associated with the general pagan community (racism, sexism, classicism, etc to name a few.) I’m hoping to build a polytheist community empty of that to the best of my power.
Who was the first deity you ever approached, and why?
I first approached Lugh and Brighid in a joint Wiccanate ritual from the misinformed book I mentioned before. I quickly scrapped the ritual outline and kinda just felt my way through the rest of it. Lugh ended up sticking around and promising to help me. In turn, I am working on being the best devotee for Him and plan to Oath myself to Him soon.
When was the first time you realized that the system of belief or non-belief you were raised with wasn’t working for you?
When I was 14, I was suppose to get Confirmation in the Catholic Church. I did a ~radical~ thing and actually thought about the religion before I signed my soul to it. I realized that I didn’t believe the Bible as the Word of God, which posed a problem to basically all of the Catholic teachings. I didn’t get Confirmation and spent the next 4 years just being a sorta spiritualist. I’ve always been superstitious and “witchy” but it wasn’t until I learned of reviving religions and the Gaelic gods that I found a religion again.
How, if at all, do the above experiences relate to your understanding of gender at the time?
I think my questioning of “Why is it this way?” brought me to questioning my own gender. Am I only cis because someone said I was? Or am I something else? And through that questioning, I got to realizing that I’m not always feeling entirely like a woman. Or, rather, I don’t mind being misgendered (as long as it isn’t for sexist bullshit.) I have a strong identity with womanhood, but not 100% of me does 100% of the time.